Stephen writes:

"I am an engineering student with a demanding class schedule. I am not able to concentrate on my studies because I have become like a slave to pornographic videos. I can't seem to restrict my bad thoughts. Exams are coming up and I feel like I am heading for disaster. I feel very embarrassed and ashamed. Can you please give me a suggestion?"

Gunnar responds below...

The first thing I would tell you is that yours is an extremely common issue. You should not punish yourself because you are suffering from this syndrome. Unburden yourself of your feelings of shame because this will only increase your feelings of compulsion. Let me explain...

The best way to characterize what you are doing is to say that you are "self-medicating." Whenever you experience feelings of anxiety, depression and shame, you are distracting yourself with sexual release and the drug-like sensations that accompany it.

Guess what happens then?

Your subsequent anxiety, depression and shame over this behavior only leads to more self-medication through the same behavior. When you understand this cycle you can regain control of your life and experience sexual feelings without negatively impacting other areas of your life.

One way to relieve your shame is to speak with a mental health professional. Your friends may not be helpful because a great deal of confusion exists in the general public about this problem.

I would also recommend that you speak with a physician about getting you on a medication to curb obsessional behavior, avoid depression and permit you to be more focused on your studies.

Best,
Gunnar